THE INCENTIVES: BIOGRAPHY
The Incentives began as a joke. When Kelly, Dave, and Doug met, they had no idea of the
amazing rock prowess that they possessed. Doug owned a wonderful drum kit, so he became
the drummer. Kelly had a rocking bass guitar, so he became the bassist. And Dave had a guitar.
Together, our heroes formed a powerhouse trio, the likes of which had never been seen before...
(except for Cream, Nirvana, The Jimi Hendrix Experience, and a couple of others). But they
lacked a certain something. Bored with their very lucrative lounge gigs, the Incentives sought
out Bjorn Korn, a legend in the metal industry. Performing
the songs written by Bjorn, The Incentives rose to the amazing popularity that they have
today. Dave recalls the first time the band met Bjorn. "I remember making the call to
Bjorn, thinking that he wouldn't want to deal with a no-name outfit like ours.
He was on the road with Cinderella, Ratt, and Kokrock, a new Swedish outfit from Stockholm.
But he surprised us all, and arranged a meeting. We met at our rehearsal space that night.
We were immediately struck by his appearance. He was pure metal, with his black t-shirt, and
his shredded leather pants... they looked like they had been ripped apart by a pack of wild
dogs, or lions or something. Maybe tigers. Or wolves. Anyway, the thing we all admired most
about him was his balls...."
That night, in the space of four hours, The Incentives, under the guidance
of Bjorn Korn, wrote all of the songs that would appear on their next seven albums. "It was quite a
night", recalls Dave. "I had stepped out to take a quick dump, and by the time I got back, Bjorn was
handing out our lyrics and tablature. At first, I was a little frustrated because all of the songs
sounded the same to me. Of course, I hadn't been shown the Bjorn technique."
The "Bjorn technique" was developed in the early eighties as a way of diferenciating between different
songs that may sound similar at first listening. It merely associates a particular body movement
to a particular song. Fred "shred" Head, the group's roadie explains. "This simple technique is f***ing
brilliant. You see, at first, I didn't know which song was which, cos they all sounded the same. I was
really f***ed, cos I wouldn't know when to change the f***ing lights, or set off the f***ing flashpots,
or lower the huge f***ing stuffed cow that showers the crowd with sparks that fly out it's a**. I just watch
Kelly, the bass player. When he starts flicking his tongue out, I know that's when I set off the
flashpots. When he starts swinging his bass all over the place, I know the f***ing cow's on the way,
when he starts grabbing his crotch, I know it's intermission time, and he needs to pee...."
THE INCENTIVES, METAL GODS IN THE MAKING....
REVIEWS:
"If you don't like this band, you've probably heard too many other bands..."
SPIN MAGAZINE
"What the f...."
METAL MAGAZINE
"This band sounds like ass.... hard, metal, rocking ass."
ROLLING STONE
"I've never heard a band that sounds so..... good. Sometimes, I just want to...... rock.... out.... to this band."
COSMOPOLITAN
"They admire my balls."
BJORN KORN
"Never heard of them."
OZZY OSBOURNE
"...if any band makes me want to kick some ass, it's this band. If there's ever been a group whose asses I wanted to kick, it's this band...."
ROCK WEAKLY
"Oh, the Incentives.... smashing band, they're really, really good. I've never heard a band who rocks so hard.....ow, you're hurting me with that gun barrel....."
OZZY OSBOURNE
"Like nothing I've ever heard before.... no, wait, this one time, my dog pissed on my amp and my guitar sounded soo bad that.... What? You're telling me to shut up?"
KIP WINGER
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