FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions)
Q: Why?
A: Because.
Q: Dude?
A: Dude!
Q: Are you aware that you suck?
A: No.
Q: Well, you really do suck.
A: Wait a second. That wasn't a question.
A: Uncle Kelly's two-step method for solving every problem seems a little too extreme for me. Do any of the other members of the band have any other suggestions?
Q: Boy, if we had a dollar for every time we've been asked that one!! Uncle Dave suggests that any physical assaults that require a forceful response be handled as Kelly suggests. Verbal abuse, on the other hand, can be handled a little less forcefully, I believe. I am a strong supporter of the "high-pitch girly voice" approach. Put simply, it involves parroting the words of your detractors in a high-pitch girly voice. For example, if someone was to say that you were ugly and that you stink, you would reply, "Ooooh! I'm ugly and I stink!" in a super high-pitch girly voice. If they were to say something like, "I'm going to kick your ass", you would reply, "Oooh! You're going to kick my ass!" in the same high-pitch girly voice. I also find that dancing around on your tiptoes, while flapping your hands as in an attempt to fly (the "fairy dance") also enhances the "high- pitch girly voice" technique, especially if you are in public, surrounded by a large number of people.